Before we were lucky to have Liv, I had all kinds of ideas what kind of mother I would be. I had ideas about what I would do with my child, what I wouldn’t do and how I would try to live my life the way it was before I had kids. Yeah right….
Of course many moms told me that everything would be different, and nothing would be the same once you have a baby. But did I believe them? No, of course not, I was that stubborn 🙂 I would be the mom that would be exactly the way she thought she would be. It’s hilarious if I think of it now (and I feel deeply ashamed hahaha)
Now that we are in Thailand the difference (with and without child) becomes extra clear. I’ve been in Thailand many times before. Today, when I was enjoying a Thai Massage (my first Liv-free moment) I was thinking when I came to Thailand for the first time and how many times after this I went back. I came to the conclusion that my first time was in 2001 (my god, what a long time ago!!) and that this is the 9th time (? I think) that I’m here.
I never realized how completely free you are without children. How you can decide to do whatever you want in any time of the day. Or just do nothing. That you don’t have to keep track of time and that you just eat whenever you are hungry. That you can rent a scooter and drive where ever you want and just see where you will finish. That arriving at a new place with your backpack is easy; you just look at some budget options and then crash somewhere. That you never have to think a few hours ahead, because you don’t have to take anything in account.
Well… al that, dear people, is HISTORY! 🙂 At least with our 1.5 year old.
Since Liv came into our lives she determines what we will do. Not because she always gets her way, but simply because we are responsible for her, and have to make sure she eats and sleeps in time. We have to make sure she is not too cold or too warm, and most importantly; we have to make sure she is enjoying herself. If she is not enjoying herself, than we are not either. So we have to think ahead when we will do what; how long is it going to take? Can she sleep somewhere? Will there be food? And if so, what kind of food? (Not spicy? Hygienic? Good?). Besides that, you like to sleep in a little more upper class accommodation (we do) with airconditioner, so she can play freely in a room without being bitten by mosquitos, and last but not least; when you have a child you always worry! (about everything! At least I do.. but I can write a blogpost just about that.).
So this holiday I mentioned to Denny: “This is a completely different way of traveling huh? We haven’t seen anything of Thailand, except the beach and the hotel”. Denny agrees, but he says we have seen really beautiful beaches and really special accommodations, so if you look at it this way, we have seen a lot already.
I stare at the blue see, the white beach and the palmtrees. Liv wants to go into the see and is screaming: “Moooooooom, daaaaaaad, seaaaaaa!!!!”. She can’t do anything alone very well. 😉 “A child limits your life as well, right?”. Denny also agrees, because building a sand castle in Thailand with white sand is a real challenge, but when you succeed it is an accomplishment. 🙂
Liv comes walking towards us. She is smiling from ear to ear, and gives me a kiss (she sometimes gives random kisses). She is holding a piece of coral in her hand (it is on the beach everywhere and she knows what it is by now). “C-r-al”, she says with her sweet smile. Sigh. I love her so much! “A child also makes your life so wonderful, right?”. Denny looks at me with a big smile and says it is a true enrichment in life.
In the evening, when we are in our room at 7PM, because it is “dark” and Liv can’t keep her eyes open anymore and is already sound asleep, I reminisce and think about the time before Liv. Then we would probably be in the shower right now, getting ready to have a bite to eat and we would not sit in this hotelroom. But instead we have eaten and I’m reading a book in a hotelroom we wouldn’t have booked ourselves. It’s also a book that I wanted to read in forever, but I couldn’t find the time. Now I can!
Nothing is the same with Liv, but we are here, in this gorgeous country. Life is not the same, going on a holiday is not the same, but we are still enjoying every single bit. Only different 😉