Then it’s January 2013. We are preparing for our 3 week backpacking trip to Myanmar. It will be Denny’s first time backpacking. We’re really looking forward to it and in my head I’ve decided that he’ll finally tell me whether or not he wants more children while we’re there.
I can absolutely understand the reasons he would have not to do it: I have 2 children already; who’s to say it’ll all go well again the third time?; what if I can’t have kids anymore?; I’m already ‘old’. But understanding those reasons doesn’t make my desire for a child of my own any less. I now strongly suspect he’s afraid to even try. Afraid that it won’t work and afraid that it’ll be his ‘fault’. Afraid that he won’t be able to make my biggest dream come true.
We will see what Myanmar brings. I have promised myself that I will not talk about until then. Just before we leave a friend says to me, “Now, don’t start talking about it right away in the airplane on the way up there…’