It’s nerve-wracking, but we’ve made the decision, and we’re going to go public with the blogs! I wanted to do it sooner, but Denny had to think about it. He keeps saying: “When we have good news, then you can go public with them” but the longer it’s taking the more I think: what if we never have good news to share? Can I never talk about it then? I think that in that case my need to talk about it would be even stronger.
For some reason, it seems to be a (rather) taboo subject. You don’t tell people when you’re ‘trying’ to get pregnant, so if it doesn’t happen, you can’t tell anyone that either. I know because of my work, and my own situation, that it doesn’t always happen easily. I regularly share intimate birth stories, and I’m so privileged to be allowed to do that! Every time I think: one day I can share our baby’s story, but that day just isn’t coming. So Denny and I decide to share this story with all of you, because I know there are a lot of men and women in the same situation. It’s called “My Life” because I’m writing it, but actually it’s “Our Life”, because without Denny there would be no story.
It’s terrifying to share the first blogs – I thought Denny would find it scariest, but now I doubt it – and because we’ve already experienced everything you’ve read so far before even publishing the first blog, we just don’t see the first reactions coming… Everyone seems to think we’re pregnant….
We don’t get upset about it. It’s logical to think you’re telling a story like this to end with good news. That’s how people think. It’s possible that as you read this, I am pregnant, but it’s also very possible that I’m not. I have no idea how this story is going to end, so it amazes me that so many people seem to think they know. 😉
In the meantime I get a lot of private messages from women who are in a similar situation. It’s almost funny: they have no idea where this story is going, but seem to understand immediately. When you’ve been in a situation where falling pregnant didn’t happen ‘by itself’, then you know how it is….
Please don’t feel bad if you were one of the people who thought this story was going to end in a pregnancy, because you weren’t the only one. A midwife told me before I published the blogs, “I think people will get a fright”, and I didn’t fully understand why she said that, but after the first publications, I thought the same.
I (we) started these blogs because there are so many women, so many couples, who have trouble having children. Who also hear on a weekly basis: “…and when are you going to have a baby?” I’ve always been able to cope with those questions, in part because of my work, but there are many women who find it very confronting to hear it time and time again. Besides that I wanted to “give back” a little after being allowed to share so many of your stories.
I don’t want to make anyone feel guilty. I find myself even asking people, “do you want children?” I just want to show you that sometimes things go differently, it’s not always easy, and an innocent question can cause so much heartache. I also hope that couples who are in the same situation can find recognition in our story, and that it helps them on their way to what they want most: a baby.
Thank you all so much for following and reading these blogs. I hope, as much as you do, that Denny and I will one day – hopefully soon 😉 – have good news to share with you! (And if not, then we’ll have to find our way along that path too…)