I can’t believe it. There are tears burning in my eyes. I’ve waited for so long to hear that answer. That one answer. By now I didn’t even care what the answer was, as long as I got an answer and now at the most idiotic moment ever he says it.

I.Really. Want. To. Have. A. Baby. With. You.

What do I say? I have no idea. I’m fighting my tears. Is he saying this because he means it? Or have I put him under so much pressure that he can’t say anything else? I can’t believe that he suddenly means it, so all I can say is, “I can’t say anything because I’ll cry”and finally – after what seems like an eternity – we walk into the guesthouse.

My thoughts are racing at a mile a minute. Should I be happy? Does he mean it? I don’t dare to ask. When we walk into our room we silently hug each other and then I say, “shall we go and get a bite to eat?” Slowly the atmosphere starts to clear and when we’re eating dessert I finally dare to say it, “Did you mean what you said today?” He looks at me seriously and says, “Yes! Of course!” He admits that he was putting the decision off because he doesn’t know if it’ll even be possible and because it does scare him. And he says I’m a nag and he is sure that we agreed to talk about it after the holiday. 🙂 To make things a little more relaxed I say, “We’ll try and if I don’t get pregnant then that’s that. I understand completely that you don’t want to go down the medical route.” A long time ago I already came to terms with the fact that he wouldn’t want that, but then he says something which shocks me: “No way. If we go for it, then we go for it. All the way, medical or not.” Oh. “Even IVF?” “Yes, even IVF.”

Now the tears really do come. He wants it too! Hallelujah!

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