The father of my children?

I knew I wanted children when I was still a child myself. It was an absolute given – completely obvious. I wanted children so badly that I worried I wouldn’t be able to have them. I often hear this, that women think that they’ll be unable to have children. Maybe it’s a fear that you have because you want them so much? That said, as a teenager I read everything I could about IUI, IVF, ICSI and more in my mother’s magazines. You may as well be prepared. 😉 The ideal picture seemed to be to stop taking the Pill when I was 27 and then I had 3 years to try and fall pregnant. If it didn’t happen I could go the medical route before I turned 30. As if you can plan something like this…

When I turned 27 I was in a relationship that was not suitable for having children. It ended and a few years later my 30th birthday was rapidly approaching. I adapted my plans, since I obviously wasn’t in control of how things would happen. Having travelled around the world for years, I decided to start studying midwifery. After my study was complete I would do an extra study to qualify me to work in developing countries, with Doctors without Borders. Everyone around me would settle down and have children and I would be doing fulfilling work in Africa. Well, that was the plan. I wasn’t going to sit at home and be bitter if I didn’t meet the man of my dreams. 🙂 So, just turned 30 and single, I started my midwifery degree with this plan in the back of my mind.

Although I had a great plan for the future, I secretly kept hoping that I would meet a man somewhere, although I couldn’t even begin to imagine where. And if I did meet him, would he match up to my substantial list of criteria? Through the years I had gotten a pretty clear idea of what I didn’t want! I knew I wanted a man who:

  1. Didn’t smoke (so disgusting!)
  2. Had never been married (who knows what kind of ex you’ll get saddled with!)
  3. Had no children (the chance that he would then want children with me seemed much smaller and another woman’s children seemed to me to be a difficult thing, although I do love every child I meet fairly quickly!)
  4. Since we’re making up a list of criteria, then he may as well not be a drinker either. I don’t like alcohol and don’t really like drunk people much either.
  5. And of course he had to want children, or else even going on a date would be pretty pointless. Better to be honest about that from the beginning!

To pay for my degree I was working in a bar in Middelburg. It was really the only job which combined with my full time course in Antwerpen, in terms of hours. Considering the list of demands above, I figured the chance that I would meet my dream man in the bar was pretty slim! But you know, things often happen when you least expect them….

April 2010

I’ve been working in the bar for a month and since Middelburg is not that big I think I know most of the nice men in town, until today…. It’s Friday evening and he walks into the bar. If love at first sight exists, this must be it! This guy is great! I immediately have butterflies in my stomach (haven’t felt that in years!). I ask my colleague who he is and most importantly: is he single? (although the chance seems slim). It turns out he comes here quite often (why have I never seen him?!), his name is Denny and most importantly: he’s (newly) single! Yippee!!

I keep an eye on him and those butterflies are flying around more and more! I just have to find a way to talk to him! But the disappointment is huge when, after he ordered a beer (ooh he is also so handsome from up close!!), goes outside to smoke! To smoke! Blegh, blegh, blegh! How can such a nice man smoke?!?!?!!?

After this we start talking. I like him. A lot. I don’t care that he smokes, he probably want to quit I imagine, and he is just to darn cute to think about that know. Could this be him? The father of my children? Does he want to have children? I hope so…..