We now jump 2 years forward in time. By now we’re a couple, we live together and we’re happy. After 6 months I was already thinking ‘I want to have children with this man.’ That’s not what he’s thinking and it’s becoming a repetitive issue which sometimes ends in a fight and sometimes in tears, but never the way I want it to end. Every time I remind him: ‘but in the bar you said that you did want more children,’ and every time he answers, ‘I said we’d see how things go.’ I find more and more that I need to know for sure. Do you want (more) children, or not?! But the answer does not come. It’s becoming a bigger and bigger issue, and I’m becoming ‘that nagging woman with the ticking biological clock’. Believe me, that’s not a place you want to be in. If you had to watch from a distance, you wouldn’t even understand why you would ever do something like that to yourself.
There are periods of time in which I try not to talk about it, but by now I’m a birth photographer, and everywhere we go, it’s all about babies. That’s makes it hard to let the topic go! It’s always around, and it’s getting more and more difficult. Finally I start giving deadlines. As if that helps… it just creates more irritation and fights.
Maybe as you’re reading this you’re thinking: that’s not much of a relationship, but that’s exactly it – if we’re not talking about babies then we have an amazing relationship! Which makes me want children even more… it’s a vicious circle.
After yet another fight in September 2012, we decide to give it a break until our holiday in Myanmar, but at that point I really want an answer. I keep asking myself: ‘what will I do if he says no?’ but just thinking that makes me angry, because that whole difficult conversation when we first met was meant to prevent this! But seriously: What do I do if he really doesn’t want to have anymore kids?
(Sound familiar? What did you do? You can also leave an anonymous comment. Your e-mail address will not be published. Or you can use a fake name and e-mail address 😉 )