The lost egg
My ovaries, tubes, uterus and ovulation all pass the tests. Whew! They give us the green light and it’s time to start seriously trying! In June I got my period, so on we go, to catch the next egg!
As I wrote earlier I always feel my ovulation. And not just briefly, but for one and half day and sometimes longer. That gives us plenty of time to ‘do it’ at the right moment! Very handy!!
It’s the peak of the summer and we have friends visiting us from Sweden. I wake up in the morning and feel it immediately: ovulation time. We’re going to the beach today, this evening. In addition to the friends from Sweden, other friends will be joining us too. I warn Denny: “Tonight it’s time, sweetie…”
In the evening we’re at the beach and we have a lovely time. Guitar music, good food and good friends! The pain in my belly and side constantly reminds me of what we have to do this evening. It slowly gets later and later. I remind Denny a few times that we also have something else we need to do this evening… When we leave the beach, one of Denny’s friends wants to come over to our place to talk about something. I tell Denny to tell him it’s not possible. His friend knows we want a baby – he’ll understand. Luckily our Swedish friends don’t speak any Dutch and I keep my voice very calm, so that our discussion is private. “I don’t want your friend to come over. We first need to ‘do it’, for the baby.” But the more I ‘demand’ that he listens, the more Denny digs his heels in. “Sweetie, it’s just one time per month! One time! We can just have a ‘quickie’ and your friend can come over afterwards?! Just quickly, no noise! You want a baby too, don’t you?!” By the time we’re home I feel like I’ve convinced him, but I’m not feeling very victorious.
Our Swedish friends go straight to bed and at that moment I see Denny’s friend walk into the garden. Sigh. I ask Denny if he could please not let it get too late and can come upstairs soon. I’ll go and ‘get ready’ in the meantime. Not that I’m really feeling any desire now, but ok, I have a goal in mind.
And I lie there and I lie there and I lie there.
And a bit longer and longer and longer.
And I’m furious. Furious. FURIOUS!
I’ll spare you the details, but when I’ve reached my breaking point, I hang out of the window and yell the nastiest things I can think of and I go to bed in a fine temper.
Stupid boyfriend, stupid baby, stupid sperm, stupid situation. Stuff it all. I’m done! I don’t even want this anymore!
I can relate to this blog post in SO many ways. The frustration, the fury, the sadness…