Still some hope? 

I am so disappointed. I’ve looked forward to this moment for so long, and now, before we’ve really even started, it’s all over. Another month wasted. I repeat my question to the still uncomfortable woman on the other end of the phone: “What now?”

“Well, I see you have to come from quite far, so I’m not sure if it’s possible…”

“What’s possible? You want him to come back?”

She says that would be the only way to still be able to continue today. The appointment to do the insemination is shifted back by 2 hours, because they’ll need time to treat the sperm. I feel a small spark of hope again, but at the same time I’m thinking: how can he come back and ejaculate for a second time today, when normally you need to have been abstinent for at least 2 days? Surely the sperm won’t be good enough?

I ask the woman on the phone, but she assures me this won’t be a problem. He can ‘simply’ come back and do it again. I’m not convinced, but I so badly want this to happen today! So instead of listening to my own common sense (which is telling me that this being a second sample in one day will NOT be beneficial to the quality of the sample), I listen to my heart which is longing to have this IUI attempt happen today. With my heart in my throat, I phone Denny…

He sounds so stressed when he answers. Because he was so late, there was no room in the parking garage, and he had to park the car further away. He’s now rushing to get to the meeting, which he is already late for. I’m not happy that I have to tell him this… 🙁

Instead of winding around the issues like the woman on the phone did with me, I tell Denny directly what the bad news is. I explain the whole story, and end with: “So could you possibly go back to the hospital, and do it again?” And because I feel so incredibly guilty about even asking him all this in the first place, I add, “And I’ll bring you your wallet, so then that is sorted out!” Of course Denny says he’ll do it, but I don’t feel good about this. 🙁

But, we’re going for it… I get ready, pick up my friend, and head for the city.

In the waiting room, we sit and wait for Denny. As soon as I see him, I’m sorry I asked him to do this. Sometimes enough is simply enough, and this was enough, but it’s too late to go back now. I suggest that my friend and I go downstairs, so that he doesn’t feel like two women are just sitting waiting for him to finish. We go downstairs and get something to eat. We have to stand in a queue for a long time before we can pay, but by the time Denny appears we’ve both almost finished our sandwiches. Luckily he looks a bit happier now. I think he’s just glad it’s over. I can understand that…

He admits that it wasn’t his best attempt, bit he did do the best he could under the circumstances. He’s now going back to Den Bosch (so many kilometers today!), and we – my friend and I – will now wait here for 2 hours until the sperm has been processed, and then it’ll finally be time! And when I’m pregnant, we’ll forget all about this drama!