After I’ve done the ovulation test I crawl back into bed. I wish Denny good luck, and ask him to call me when he leaves the hospital to head to his work in Den Bosch. Before my alarm goes off, my phone rings. It’s Denny. I look at the clock, it’s 8:15.
He sounds incredibly stressed. Oh no, what’s going on?
It turns out he’s left home without his wallet. As long as I’ve known Denny something like this has never happened. Denny and no wallet is a true drama. Nobody likes forgetting their wallet, but Denny is the kind of person who checks that the door is locked 8 times before he leaves, and checks his trouser pockets at least 6 times, to make sure he has his wallet. So him not having his wallet is a disaster, and he sounds panicky.
In the meantime he’s babbling on (he never babbles). There was a very kind lady at the hospital who loaned him €2 to get out of the parking garage. He wants me to write her name down, and promise that when I get to the hospital I will give her her money back. Of course – no problem, sweetheart! He is now driving to Den Bosch as quickly as he can because he has an important appointment. Well, he’d like to be driving quickly, but he’s stuck in traffic.
I ask him how it went otherwise. He says fine, but he’s really in a twist about his wallet. I promise him I’ll sort everything out. It’ll all be ok. Step One is done! 🙂
I get into the shower. I’ll pick up my friend in a little while, and then we’ll drive to the hospital. At 10:00 my phone rings, and it’s an anonymous caller. I’m not sure whether to answer, because I’m not in the mood for some irritating cold-call salesman trying to get me to buy something. I loathe them, but I’m also just too curious to resist answering my phone! Haha!
When I answer my phone it’s quickly clear that it’s no salesman. It’s the hospital. Someone I’ve never spoken to before, of course, and she’s not being very clear. I haven’t heard her name, but she says she has bad news, and then she starts talking around the issue. My heart is in my throat. Bad news? Now? Already? And why start the conversation with “I have bad news” and then not just come out and say it? The first thing you learn at college about ‘bad news’ conversations is that you tell people “I have bad news”, and then immediately tell them what the bad news is! I cannot stand this!!
I interrupt her, “Please stop talking around the issue, and tell me what’s wrong!” My heart is now racing.
WOMAN! SAY SOMETHING!
“Well, it’s like this. I’m so sorry to have to say this but…”
“Um… your husband didn’t ask for the correct pot.”
“What? My husband asked for the wrong pot? That seems very unlikely to me, since we weren’t even told to ask for a pot, so he was GIVEN the wrong pot. And what was wrong with it?!” I’m am so annoyed right now!
“Well, because your husband has had a vasectomy, he needs to produce his sample in medium.”
“In medium?! What’s that?!”
She still sounds uncomfortable. “Um, that means we use a special pot with something in it to make sure the sample can’t coagulate due to the antibodies. Didn’t they tell you this during the intake?”
“Listen lady, I know that whole IUI information sheet off by heart. I know most people don’t read the info properly, but ask me any question, and I’ll answer it. Nobody, I repeat NOBODY told us we need to ask for a pot ‘in medium’. And anyway: YOU are the professionals. YOU have our file – how difficult can it be to give us the right container?! Don’t shift the blame onto us!”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”
Whatever. The damage is done now.
“Can you tell me what this means for us right now?”
“The sperm is all coagulated, and can’t be used for IUI.”
WHAT? My heart sinks into my shoes.