Angry
It’s a good thing I’m not sitting here alone right now, because my thoughts would have eaten away at me. The distraction is just what I need. We sit in the waiting room, and chat the hours away. At 14:00 a doctor – the one I spoke to on the phone – comes in and tells us that there is some delay. We need to wait another 15 minutes.
At 14:15 she comes and fetches us. My friend wants to wait in the waiting room, but I tell her she can come in with me. I took photos at her birth, and there are certainly no secrets between us! The doctor sits behind her desk, and invites us to sit down. Hmmm… Something isn’t right here…
She looks at us, and for the second time today she says, “I have bad news”, and for the second time today she doesn’t tell us directly what the bad news is. This time my heart doesn’t jump into my throat, this time I just get angry immediately, and incredibly irritated that she is, once again, not telling me what is going on. So instead of waiting for her to get to the point, I go on the attack, and say, “If you have bad news, say it straight away. Stop avoiding it, and just say it. Is the IUI not going to happen today?” She looks at me with a combination of sympathy, and guilt, and says, “No, the semen was not good.”
Duh! I could have told you that myself! It couldn’t have been good, after everything that happened today?! She says she’s NEVER seen this happen before. Well, now I feel so much better. She doesn’t understand it, but after they processed the semen there was nothing of sufficient quality left. At this point I’m sure that this has happened because of everything else that has happened so far today, and I am not in the mood to discuss it any further. This woman is not going to give me the answers I want. She does add that ‘luckily’ this IUI attempt will not be seen as an IUI attempt, so we still have 6 chances. Hahahahaha! Imagine if it was otherwise? I would have had a lot to say about that! But ok, thanks for the ‘good news’.
I am so upset that we’ve wasted so much time, fuel and stress without any result today, so I demand that at the very least they do a sonogram to see whether I’ve already ovulated or not. Then at least I didn’t come here for nothing. I explain the whole problem with the ovulation tests, and show her the tests I did. The first things she says it, “Well, it’s hard to judge, because those aren’t the tests we use here.” Really?!?
I am SO done with all this! While we’re busy her telephone rings and rings, and every time she answers, and says she’s still busy, but she’s coming soon. Not if I have anything to do with it! You’re first going to do a scan and answer my questions. If I have already ovulated, then we need to do things differently next month, because inserting the sperm after ovulation is pointless. I ask her what happens if we do 3 unsuccessful IUI attempts – would they then do the sonogram to check whether the ovulation tests are giving accurate results? The answer is no.
Ok, then we do a scan NOW, and at least I’ll know enough. She agrees and has a look. Then she says: “I think I see the yellow cell.” At moments like this my midwifery training is useful, because she then translates into ‘simple language’. “So it looks like you’ve ovulated already.”
YOU SEE?!! I told you so….