1 step at a time

Today is the day: the intake for IVF in Gent. I don’t expect much, but now that the day has dawned I’m feeling nervous. We’re very early, because we have to do loads of paperwork before the appointment, but it’s a good thing because we have to wait 45 minutes before we can even sign in. We’re given a pile of papers and can move on to Reproductive Health. We’re cracking jokes already, about how Denny’s sperm isn’t even productive, never mind re-productive. 😉 When we get there out whole file is put together and then a midwife comes and asks Denny whether he’s submitted his ‘little seeds’ today. It’s so lovely the way the Belgians put everything into the diminutive form. With a serious case of the giggles we go inside. We see the doctor for a maximum of 10 minutes and he’s immediately very clear. It’ll be ICSI, not IVF and not using hormones is not an option. The laughing ends quickly. I’ll have to have that rubbish in my body after all. 🙁 Luckily I succeed in keeping my tears at bay. The doctor asks whether we want to think about it, but that seems like a bad idea to me, because I’ll just worry myself sick. Let’s just keep going to the next step. A small step every time and I’ll just see how each step goes.

We go to the room next door and there I get a fright. Because my period begins on Friday, we could already begin then! I mention that we’re going on holiday in July, so I’m not sure whether that would be handy. It would be possible (just), but it doesn’t sit well with me. Work is very busy at the moment, I have loads of photo shoots planned in the coming weeks -which I would have no idea how to combine with this-and emotionally I need a bit of time to adjust….

Here again we get the impression that most couples would rather start something like this this as soon as possible, but not me. We’ve been waiting long enough now anyway, a few more weeks is not going to make any difference now. We calculate when my next period after the holiday would be and it’s probably the beginning of August. We’ll start then…

We get a full file, including book and DVD (fancy!) and instructions for when I have to call. After that I get blood taken at the ‘bloedprikgroep’ (blood-prick-group), yes really. That’s what it says on the sign boards. Then we go back home.

August… could August be the month? For the first time I calculate what my due date would then be. May… a lovely month. But before we get there I need to grow eggs, they need to be taken out of my body , they need to be in good condition, they need to be fertilised, they need to become embryos without any genetic flaws and 1 needs to stay in my womb long enough to grow into a baby…. 1 step at a time…