IUI after all

At this moment all I can think is: I want to try it anyway. The IUI. I ask Denny what he thinks, and his thought is also ‘why not?’ So two minutes later I’m lying on my back, staring at my empty uterus, but also at a follicle in my ovary. It’s day 8, and the follicle is already quite large, so we can start quickly. We have to come back the day after tomorrow, and if the follicle is big enough I will have to inject a hormone (usually Pregnyl, but it’s out of stock, so it’ll be something else) to trigger ovulation. Ok, fine – we’re back in action!

When we’re back in the car we finally realise what we were just told. ICSI… the very last step in the entire “trying-to-have-a-baby” world. How on earth could they have told us that we had/have a chance to fall pregnant naturally? All that hope, all that sadness, all that bullshit about letting go, and it will happen – all for nothing! Of course it would have been hard to hear this last year, but false hope – that’s worse. It’s unbelievable. I have no words for it, and neither does Denny. I don’t want to believe it. I don’t want ICSI, I don’t want to take hormones, I don’t want any of it. NEVER. EVER.

The IUI simply has to work.